The whirlwind of events this past week has sent my emotions spiraling in and out of control. Since I am unable to write about the events that have taken place I decided I would compose a list of feelings with the hopes that speaking their names would allow for healing. Each one comes and goes without warning or expectation. Each one unique and entitled. I’m trying to make room for each of them. To give them their rightful space. To allow myself to feel them and give freedom to their voice.
Defeated. Exhausted. Angry. Scared. Appalled. Disgusted. Outraged. Afraid. Misunderstood. Misrepresented. Attacked. Violated. Abused. Disturbed. Embarrassed. Overwhelmed. Oppressed. Sympathetic. Confused. Heartbroken. Loved. In love. Sad. Judged. Enlightened. Thankful. Unstable. Belittled. Awakened. Ashamed. Physical Pain. Sick to my stomach. Empathy. Distrust. Persecuted. Excited. Ready. Protective. Defensive. Alive. Dead. Discouraged. Unheard. Dismissed. Betrayed. Hidden. Sickened. Sucker Punched. Dirty. Less Than. Broken. Voiceless. Vulnerable. Appreciative. Watched. Played. Indebted. Vilified. Awakened. Suffocated. Stripped. Tempted. Jaded. Disoriented. Denial. Incompetent. Incapable. Pissed Off. Proud. Supported. Anxious. Cautious. Nervous. Admiration. Fortunate. Pressured. Bullied. Positive. Negative. Inspired. Motivated. Investigative. Spent. Disrespected. Dehumanized. Justified. Interrogated. Manipulated. Spit upon. Terrified. Disbelief. Grief. Emotional. Tired. Sleep Deprived. Attached. Withdrawn. Unsafe. Supported. Robbed. Ugly. Unaccepted. Unaccepting. Fire. Rage. Cared for. Homeless. Abandoned. Despised. Hateful. Hated. Aware. Necessary. Needed. Devastated. Loss. Emptiness. Fullness. Hope. Irritated. On Edge. Grateful. Amazed. Strong. Weak. Sensationalized. Defenseless. Innocent.
Tied, bound, and silenced…
The Guest House by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.